Good Sunday Morning all. That can only mean one thing, time to get your beverage of choice and sit down to read my offbeat takes on life while sipping on something warm a step before winter is voted in, which of course, will be sooner than a democratic election as of late. (tongue and cheek swipe at society on that one, forgive, just having fun).
Recently, I stumbled upon the urban slang term "Manicorn" and before I get rolling here, here is a brief definition of such from the urban dictionary:
MANICORN: A mythical male creature who is successful (read: pursuing his passion and can pay his electric bills/rent), funny, chivalrous, masculine (read: not chauvinistic), adventurous, artistic (read: not suicidal).
(In your eyes was my late wife's favorite song so forgive me while I indulge for all of you by including the famous scenes from her favorite movie "Say Anything" with her favorite song to reinforce the below statement made on John Cusack in reference to Manicorn's). 😊
(or Chuck Klosterman's witty commentary on Fake Love in Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Pops), any romantic comedy where the flawed guy comes through in the end... "Where is my manicorn? I keep going out with all these losers!" "Too bad I settled when I got married, I just met my manicorn."
by B&E April 08, 2007
Now that we have established a Manicorn, much like the Unicorn, is a mythical creature of fable not believed to exist in the plain of existence we live, let's have a little more fun and go to an actual listing of "WHAT" the perfect man is created by women for women to be a guide for men how to become more "Manicorn-like"...(If you click on the picture it will take you to the actual page but I will include the listing below:
From A Woman's Perspective: The Perfect Man.
British clothing retailer Austin Reed recently conducted a poll of 2,000 women inquiring about the characteristics of “The Perfect Man.” Below is the list of the results along with my take on the traits:
6 feet tall - Exactly 6 feet tall? And why do the British use feet for height but grams for weight? Pick a side United Kingdom! Pick a side.
Toned and athletic - It will be difficult for him to find time to get to the gym as he is working to meet the remaining 28 qualifications on this list.
Brown eyes - Thank you colored contact lenses.
Short dark hair - Thank you "Just for Men" and a barber.
Smart dress sense - See #8 below.
Beer drinker - Is he allowed to drink anything else? And how much beer are we talking here?
Non-smoker - Alcoholic? Yes. Smoker? No.
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - At all times. He sleeps in smart jeans, shirt, and a V-neck jumper. He works in smart jeans, shirt, and a V-neck jumper. He goes to the gym to get toned and athletic in smart jeans, shirt, and a V-neck jumper. When we get married he will be wearing smart jeans, shirt, and a V-neck jumper. Preferably smart jeans, shirt, and a V-neck jumper purchased at Austin Reed.
Gets ready in 17 minutes - And not a second more. I want him to be ready for anything in 17 minutes - or less. Skydiving, tightrope walking, a 3 month long trek in the Alps. 17 minutes is all he needs to put on his smart jeans, shirt, and a V-neck jumper.
Stylish - Again, I think we already covered this with smart jeans, shirt, and a V-neck jumper.
Wants a family - But not in a creepy kidnapper kind of way. He wants his own family...eventually.
Earns £48,000 ($77,000) a year - If this recession has taught me anything it’s that I will be lucky to find a man with a job. I would be impressed if he could keep a $77 balance his checking account.
Loves shopping - Now we’re talking. I actually hate shopping so I would like a man that loves to grocery shop.
Eats meat - Only meat? That makes grocery shopping much easier. There will always be only two items on the list: 1. Beer 2. Meat
Clean shaven - These women would not approve of Bro Council’s Beard of the Month.
Smooth chest - See #15 above or substitute wax.
Watches soaps - Ew. No. Washes with soap? Yes. Does “Watches soaps” mean something different in the UK?
Enjoys watching football - Remember this is a British poll so they are actually referring to the kind you play with your feet.
Drives an Audi - Drives anything that he owns outright would be nice.
Educated to degree level - Which degree?
Earns more than his other half - It’s pretty clear from my impressive writing here at Bro Council and on my blog that I am well on my way to becoming a multi-millionaire. It looks like his measly $77,000 is not going to cut it.
Jokes around and has a laugh - “Has a laugh” as in “Did you see the 30 Rock live episode? It was such a laugh!” or as in, he laughs when something is funny. Maybe there are men out there who have no laugh. That’s sad. They would not make my list of perfect men either.
Sensitive when his wife/girlfriend is upset - If he does not have a laugh he would probably be pretty good at this.
Says 'I love you' only when he means it - And always when he means it. To pizza, our new flat screen, BroCouncil.com, the guy who let him over in traffic...
Admits it when he looks at other women - Unprompted. I just want him to come home from his day and tell me about all of the women he looked at. What he liked, did not like, who was the best, etc, etc.
Has a driver's license - Nope. I just him to have an Audi but not be able to drive it.
Can swim - Hopefully we will live near a river so he can swim to work since he can’t drive.
Can ride a bike - Well that puts a lot more seven year olds back on the list.
Can change a tire - On his Audi that he can’t drive? Or on his bike that he can?
Calls mom regularly - Okay I admit, this is a good one.
So, if there’s a man out there who meets my strict criteria of wardrobe, hygiene, and transportation, feel free to give me a call. Until then you can follow my worldwide adventures over at The Road Lots Traveled.From A Woman's Perspective: The Perfect Man.
There you go. A lengthy and fun listing of many different perspectives on being the perfect man or at least in the ballpark of what many women are looking for to fit the mold.
I am sure after looking at the laundry list of expectations and photos of alpha males that seem to be a level up, many men will probably be a bit discouraged by what they are viewing here. This precise moment is why I have formulated this edition of Sunday Morning Coffee in the manner I have chosen, because at this exact moment I reach the climatic truth we all must realize as the same for men who continue to look for the perfect woman and I will say it with a large bit of sarcasm and small bit of empathy:
Silly rabbit, myths are for kids.
...and I like magic, Law of Attraction and belief in the universal energies that be.
So, why did I set it all up to knock it all down you ask?
...and again, I will have soooo much fun with this answer:
Did you ever wonder why in NOT ONE PICTURE of a Unicorn is that Unicorn taking a shit? I mean, even though it is divine and created among the stars and wishes, do you really believe a Unicorn doesn't need to relieve itself?
..and that is really the point here, all of these listings, photos, thoughts on perfect men that women desire, they do not include the every second of life in-between where imperfection happens. They are no different from the reason society LOVES social media outlets such as #instagram or watching movies because they are literally the BEST moments we all have. They never show the epic failure, the tears, the forgetting to pay your car note or being late to the job because you drank a little too much saki the evening before while eating sushi (which I highly recommend, no, just joking. 😊)
Also, there is the factor of different strokes for different folks, so, what is one woman trash may be considered a diamond in the rough to another.
The MANICORN existence is at the heart of this blog and thought in a week filled with so much turmoil. After having fun with this topic, I want to spin the bitch on it's head and finally give you my two cents in the finality of drama our reading has taken.
So, here you go...
Whether perfect or grouping of perfect men does or does not exist I will not address because it would be foolish. The topic is too vast and perimeters of what is necessary from individual to individual (woman to woman) would shift so much, there is no possible way a rational human being would dare take on the topic and think to survive the answer unscathed. So, to keep a bearing on the end result of my thought and considering I am a pirate, having a final destination where X marks the spot is literally the purpose of each and every voyage I partake in. So, let''s find my treasure in this mass of words...
Maybe, ladies and gents, maybe just maybe we should worry less about a laundry list of what someone else can meet to fill our expectations and instead, live up to those expectations ourselves and because our own level is set so high, we eventually will invite a partner who is vibrating at that same level? If you are vibrating low, have low self esteem and believe you do not deserve healthy love, the infinite number of narcissist videos and self-love tutorials will tell you that more than likely you are a co-dependent personality and you WILL invite the devil
I also do not want to end this blog with simply making the callous statement to make yourself a better person and eventually the right person will come along. That is nice in theory but will leave many ladies with a "unsatisfied after sex because he didn't take care of her needs" type of dis-satisfaction look on their face and higher power knows, I don't want that...I'm a giver! 😊
So, here it is...My final words, and thought from the heart and I will shut this blog with the statement and leave it to history:
Maybe ladies, it's less about the perfect man. Maybe the perfect man is dirty, rugged, been through hell and hurts or is fixing himself because he has been abused? Maybe perfection doesn't glimmer so much in the sun, can't be introduced as a neuron-surgeon or was NOT always perfect in every instance of every moment in every day.
Maybe perfect is imperfect and bled out but still remembers to open the door each and every time you enter. Maybe perfect was disfigured in an accident but because of that accident realizes the lessons of life and won't let a moment go by ungrateful with his version of heaven that is you? Maybe MANICORN is a mockery of a wish that we all have and warped further by a society that has become negative and would have you believe that an auto repair worker who would live and die for you is not enough compared to a civil engineer who has 30 side chicks.
Maybe just maybe, it is not that a perfectly imperfect man doesn't exist, maybe just maybe you have listened to too many negative voices in too many negative places and because you cannot see that if your own vibration is at a high level, no matter job, stature, look or place in the world, true love and true hearts overcome all and a high vibrational person WILL find the perfectly imperfect "Manicorn" because they don't care where other opinons or social norms would stear them because they stay the course and realize that beauty is actually found within the construct of imperfection that we all have, including the very attractive gentlemen to sooth your eye candy desire I have shown on this page,
Maybe just maybe the answer is: there IS no such thing as a MANICORN but instead good men who only become that way by way of learning through suffering the scars necessary to become a king and until you are ready to admit no one is perfect, including yourself, you'll never find your X on own personal pirate adventure?
Maybe just maybe the answer to finding your MANICORN ultimately is not found in the men you are looking through but comes vibrationally from inside of you?
OK, deep breathe in through the nose and out the mouth....
In no lifetime will I ever dream of telling others how to feel, what to say or do. I always say that I am slowest mind in the room but one thing I do know for sure is this: I would NEVER want a BABEACORN to be my forever girl BECAUSE what I learned from my wife until the day she passed away IS simply summarized by the late / great Robin Williams when he eloquently gave his Oscar winning performance in the brilliant film "Good Will Hunting" :
It was at this moment of self-realization I found myself going from the slowest boy in the room to silently blooming into the silently wise adult because I began to understand that LOVE is larger than ourselves, control became letting go, love became unconditinonal and selfishness became true caring and until you reach this place or moment in your life, you will continue to look for myths instead of dealing in reality where life is actually the most cruel but also a gorgeous symphony of imperfection worth the pain. Ladies, you don't need a MANICORN, regardless of if that exists or not, you just need someone who truly loves you and that can only happen when you understand, acknowledge and worship yourself, your world and the value of the moments with things you already love and love you in return.
Happy Manicorn Hunting...
Love and Spanks,