This blog is a very important moment in my personal history because this marks (finally) my public eulogy for my wife. After she died, due to many factors and issues, I never made a statement or reacted to her passing. I wanted to do something special for her and this written memory not only serves her correctly but it also serves the cause she so desperately fought and ultimately died for. I apologize for my lengthy delay in reaction but I was not ready to deal with the full impact of the event. I can only hope that from this public acknowledgement, others will understand the depth of love and loss my family has endured. However, I also wish for this public statement to be an uplifting reminder of how precious life is and how every moment we are blessed with is a gift. The following is for Patricia: May she rest in peace with the knowledge that she made a difference in this world. Gone yet not forgotten, Although we are apart, Your spirit lives within us, Forever in our heart.
As many of you may already know, my wife passed away after her lengthy battle against #TripleNegativeBreastCancer She was a crusader in the fight against breast cancer. Local community were supportive of her and together formed a beautiful union to bring awareness and fight for the common good. Obviously her untimely passing was devastating to all involved. I have been trying to think of ways I can help continue her passionate fight. I will be donating proceeds from an upcoming song to a chosen outlet in her name but in the mean time, I thought this basic writing would be a positive start.
...and so our personal tale begins:
Taking care of my wife and the fam during her trials became my focus for years and why I took a sabbatical from music. In her final days, she made me promise her that I would return and try to help the world through my music the way I had helped her during her fight. As I now begin to enter the home stretch of my first couple songs and videos in years, to say making music in the wake of loss has been a heart wrenching struggle would be an understatement. I have laughed, I have cried but mostly, I have had to re-open those wounds to tap into the emotions needed.
it has been difficult but worthwhile experience for sure.
For the record, my wife was the strongest human being (male or female) I have ever known, even in her last days of suffering she did not allow the doctors to tell us it was the end because she wanted to save our feelings and I would assume, stay of with us, of course. She is the person who taught me how to be a better person myself, how to laugh, not take everything so seriously and most of all, she taught me how to love myself and others. Even though her tragedy is devastating to everyone around, I do not allow the sadness to overwhelm. Instead, I remember her in the good times, smile and hopefully carry her torch in fighting against cancer on with her memory.
When my wife was in college, her nickname was "The Dancing Queen." As Velvet Revolver their second album, it featured a song called: "Gravedancer" and from the moment we first heard the song, we knew it was the perfect tune for both her positive dance filled personality and my alpha male/Eastwood-esque exterior. I used to call her when touring and sing the song to her over the phone and it brought us both a lot of pleasure. It became doubly important when Velvet Revolver's management contacted mine at the time and lined up a try-out for the front man position after #ScottWeiland had left the band. My wife and myself always saw this as prophetic, even when the band decided to NOT re-form.
At the top of this page is the video/song I had posted so long ago for her to listen too. Of course, now the song is almost like a prophecy in meaning to me after her passing. I rediscovered it while going through old tour material this morning and decided that I would finally post a story about my wife because I could attach it to this beautiful song that had so much meaning for us both. Like a phoenix, I will rise to a new life and possibly love at some point down the road but no matter where I go or what I do, I will always want her to know, on my heart and soul, she will be dancing.
Please support the #NationalCancerSociety and remember, even the smallest of niceties can make a world of difference in the life of someone who needs it...