October is International Breast Cancer Month. Early detection would have saved my wife’s life, so, I urge all of you to please get yourself and those you care for checked regularly....
When my wife passed, I felt guilty that I could not save her. That may sound crazy but when you love someone deeply, you take care of them to the best of your abilities and the fact that I had to watch her slowly fade made me feel like a failure as a man and a lover.
Even though her disease was beyond medical care and I had professional after professional telling me that her plight was not my fault or failure, it didn’t stop me from feeling helpless. To this very day, I still feel guilty for not being able to save her life.
Anyone who has endured tragedy knows this crossroads and understands in the wake of pain you have two choices;
Move forward or give up.
I decided to live...
Now, instead of finding the negative in each day, I take away the positive. I see how to work on my weaknesses, smile a little more, have kind words for others who may need to hear them and I even hug more than I ever had before.
I am sure this outlook will seem trivial or “less manly” to some but I now embrace goodness and love. I think being a kind person is much more important than angry, alpha male b.s. posturing or a constant fight with insecurity.
The greatest gift my wife left me was teaching me how to love others and myself. She taught me how to look forward to the mornings and cherish the sunsets, tell my kids I love them more and even appreciate the opposite sex for the boldness and beauty they bring to the world.
I chose to live and I look forward to my future, my music and even the possibility of a second chance at love but I owe the person I am to the many scares that I have endured along the way.
They make me the beautiful beast that I am becoming...
and of course, I owe it all to her. ❤️