Change your life from a Symphony of Pain to a life of gratitude.


Hello and welcome to your Sunday Morning Coffee read and I am so very grateful you took the time to read this edition. I would consider this writing to be from my soul that has the potential to make you smile, cry and find yourself at the end with gratitude and excited you have today to set forth on your life, accomplish your goals, smile but more importantly.....

Live your life to the fullest.


On this edition of the blog there will not be flashy titles and far fetched social topics that deal with a range of fun thoughts to provoke, instead, due to my birthday just passing, this blog will be about myself and how broken truly can transform into beautiful.


So, on my birthday, by happenstance I ended up reviewing what I call "the vault" that has a very "Prince" (yes, that Prince) vibe of being a hidden safe of un-used material I review and make new content from later on and let me tell you of the mounds of wonderful things I stumbled upon but in the middle of browsing, I stumbled upon tragedy and pain.


While my wife was dying and finally passed, I wrote a song called "Symphony of Pain" which is the most beautiful God Damn thing I ever heard. I forgot about it, didn't even recognize it but when I hit play and the piano started, so did the tears. It was an immediate trigger. It hurt so God damn bad, I cannot even put the feeling into the words and considering that when my wife passed, I feel as if the emotions in me and being to feel empathy have quadrupled, it was a pretty humbling, hurtful and heavy experience. Below, I have agreed to actually post the copywritten lyrics for reference and just from this and image a piano, you can envision the beauty and sadness this song has the ability to convey:


Symphony of Pain:


Verse 1


I walk alone on these streets,

Everyone that I see,

Doesn't really seem to notice me,

But then,

I can see your face in my mind,

Holdin' on but I know I must find

A way to make this heart unbroken,

My tears could fill the ocean,


I say...


Chorus


Silver lining

Where have your promises gone now,

Uphill climbin,

Well, it's harder comin' down,

Harder comin' down,


Verse 2


and when every drop of rain from the sky,

I can't escape the pain of this goodbye,

I hope I will find the deeper meaning,

Every feeling


I say...

Chorus


Silver lining

Where have your promises gone now,

Uphill climbin,

Well, it's harder comin' down,

Harder comin' down,


Break


Then I see your face passin' by,

Holdin' on but I know I must find

A way to make this heart unbroken,

My tears could fill the ocean,


Chorus


Silver lining

Where have your promises gone now,

Uphill climbin,

Well, it's harder comin' down,

Harder comin' down,


x2

Reprise


I walk alone on these streets,

Everyone that I see,

Doesn't really seem to notice me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God damned beautiful lyrics, aren't they? I have to admit, after finding this piece of music, I was obsessed and spent the day crying, laughing, and cursing fate for what came of this story after I hide the song away in the vault all those years ago.


I am sure you are now wondering at this point what these beautiful lyrics, admission of sad thoughts and battles with consequential demons have to do with a life affirming, fun and energetic Sunday Morning blog you are suppose to read while drinking you coffee and ending your week on a high note.


Well my friends, the following is the answer to that:


While screaming the lyrics in front of a computer on my b day, using the face of a Maya ANGEL to guide me and wondering the same thing in the face of the tragic tales and circumstances i was PTSDing on, out of the blue, I realized something revolutionary for my life and cosmic development that I may have stated out loud a million times but wasn't truly listening until this moment.


That realization was this: beauty DOES INDEED come from ashes. Truth comes from pain and growth rises out of lose. I realized the Universe, God or whomever you believe has power over this chaotic journey we travel upon like a fragile bird feather floating in the wind, that higher power had a lesson to teach me within the confines of my sadness and heartache. My lesson was that from the tragedy it was a sign for transformation to begin.

This moment in my life, pulling this song from the vault and re-living my horror was meant to be. It forced me to see that I still have gaping wounds that bleed daily and have not been healed and because of this, full manifestations in my life will not take place until I heal. I can now see that being of the mindset I had, feeling indestructible and a savior to all is beyond my grasp and I must be willing to let go, love myself and understand that no matter how much I may silently beat myself up for NOT being able to save my wife's life, does not mean I am NOT still a superhero, it just means that even Batman has to cry sometimes and it is because of these tears he or she can go forth and give more to the world with a scarred beauty that is not only coming out of true goodness but is pure, beautiful and what the world needs more of right now.


What I discovered is that I have to forgive myself. Love myself and see that I am not a bad person for not being able to save someone's life but a good person because I can go on with dignity and love and remembrance.


At this moment of tears and learning I realized that I may not have a million followers this second, may not be the first thought in mind's or hearts of fans everywhere right now and the world may not see my beautifully broken soul as of yet but like once before, soon it will go from 20,000 to 700,000 and when the finally finds me, they will read this blog and see how I am making beauty out of the ashes and my character which is worth loving has endured me to happiness and survival.


I am worth the love. Worth the respect but it won't be because I sold myself short or was a thin soul, it will be because my cup overflow and I am truly grateful to the Universe.

It's because within' a Symphony of Pain, I became the flower that blooms between the cracked sidewalk and the sunlight I grow toward is the world I want to help heal. Like I did myself, when I lost everything and found my way back to life or as I came to you DEAD ON ARRIVAL, I now smile because I am allowed to take a medium such as Sunday Morning Coffee and show all of you that even in the face of the worst tragedy, you can stand back up, wipe away the tears, love again, live again and most importantly, SMILE.


Like my beautiful song lyrics reference, this truth I was forced to explore allows me to manifest and find my best life, fame and love because my survival and fact of thriving IS based upon my Silver Lining is the ability to find gratitude and love in the face of tragedy and understand that living in the moment is the perfection we all search for and for as imperfect as it all may seem, understanding a Silver Lining is not a promise kept but rather a new moment lived and see that simple statement, if taken in correctly by the reader, may be the most important and motivational thing you will ever read. For that ability to share this knowledge with you and be a part of your life, I am truly grateful to the Universe. Thank you for reading...

Love & Spanks,


-A.

xxx

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